The Pain of Forgiveness

Which one of us doesn't struggle with this issue of forgiveness?

For me, I've discovered that while it is something I aspire towards, it doesn't always come naturally. It is something my cognitive mind tells me is imperative for my soul's health; yet, how my emotional heart finds it hard to release the healing balm called forgiveness. It seems far easier to cling on to Justice and Fairness than to offer Forgiveness. But how necessary it is in order for us to move on...

Recently, I was hurt by what I felt was a betrayal of loyalty, honesty and trust. Like the CIA agent who was betrayed by her own country when the leaders leaked her identity, I felt betrayed by some key people in my life.

Perhaps I don't always have the clearest or rightest perspective, but the pain sure cut deep. The bewilderment of the pain of betrayal caught me off-guard and I felt like the breath was knocked out of my lungs, hit me hard in my gut.

After the emotional tsunami subsided and many buckets of tears later, I was forced to ask myself, "So, now what? What do you want to do about it now?"

I could cling on to pain and hurt, and demand justice. Or I could leave justice to the Lord, and release forgiveness.

To be honest, my heart has not yet come to its resting point. Of course my head tells me to trust God to be just, and Let It Go. But my heart still smarts, and forgiveness does not come easy.

So to be honest, I'm not going to say, oh, hey, I've done it. The truth is, it still hurts. But all I can say is, I'm working on it.

I'll get there. Soon, I promise.