November Notes

I got to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire yesterday, courtesy of a girlfriend who got company tickets free. She blessed me by getting me in FOC! :)

I finally caved in and bought myself a foldable portable speaker which can plug into my MP3 thumb-drive or computer. For 35 bucks, I'm rather pleased with my new tech gadget. Of course, I also spent 80 bucks for my printer toner and another 25 for 25 pieces of DVD-Rs. So I've just spent a tad much -- more credit card bonus points for redemption later, haha.

I also bought a book by Joni Eareckson Tada called "Choices Changes" for 2 bucks. What a steal. Some guy was selling second-hand books off the streets at Raffles Place. I felt “choices” and "change" call out to me -- and I just know this book is going to be an encouragement already. This faithless spirit needs some faith-filling.

Next week will be my final week with the women's magazine I've been at for the last three months, filling for the sub-editor who is on maternity leave. Sigh. I’ll miss being here, but I guess there'll be new things to engage with. Well, after today's beauty sale, I am also 43 bucks poorer -- but now I've got my make-up cupboard restashed for the year ahead. Till the next time I do copy work at this office, no more beauty shopping! :)

Tomorrow, I will pick up a new project on an anniversary book that must be completed by end of the year for a medical association. I'll also have to work on some other copywriting jobs that coincidentally landed on my lap just last week – I say “coincidentally” because the jobs happen to come just when the current job is finishing.

Sometimes I really am of little faith. In moments of sanity and objectivity, I can see how God is providing for me each step of the way – not too far in advance, but just one step at a time. Yet, when I'm in the throes of emotions, I totally forget how HE is always in control, no matter how I feel -- and even no matter how WRONG or hurtful other people are, God is always RIGHT on the money. And in case you missed the point, I'm not talking about money alone either ;)

Well, that's my encouragement for us all today. Perhaps there will be better, brighter days ahead – that’s what hope and faith is all about, right? I admit, I am trying hard not to be anxious about possibilities in Canada, and trying even harder to forget about that visa application.

Here’s where faith must rise up to replace fear – right?

The Pain of Forgiveness

Which one of us doesn't struggle with this issue of forgiveness?

For me, I've discovered that while it is something I aspire towards, it doesn't always come naturally. It is something my cognitive mind tells me is imperative for my soul's health; yet, how my emotional heart finds it hard to release the healing balm called forgiveness. It seems far easier to cling on to Justice and Fairness than to offer Forgiveness. But how necessary it is in order for us to move on...

Recently, I was hurt by what I felt was a betrayal of loyalty, honesty and trust. Like the CIA agent who was betrayed by her own country when the leaders leaked her identity, I felt betrayed by some key people in my life.

Perhaps I don't always have the clearest or rightest perspective, but the pain sure cut deep. The bewilderment of the pain of betrayal caught me off-guard and I felt like the breath was knocked out of my lungs, hit me hard in my gut.

After the emotional tsunami subsided and many buckets of tears later, I was forced to ask myself, "So, now what? What do you want to do about it now?"

I could cling on to pain and hurt, and demand justice. Or I could leave justice to the Lord, and release forgiveness.

To be honest, my heart has not yet come to its resting point. Of course my head tells me to trust God to be just, and Let It Go. But my heart still smarts, and forgiveness does not come easy.

So to be honest, I'm not going to say, oh, hey, I've done it. The truth is, it still hurts. But all I can say is, I'm working on it.

I'll get there. Soon, I promise.

Update of The Last Three Months...

Has it been three months since I came by this blog? Whose blog is this? Oh! It's mine! It's been so long, I've forgotten... ;) hahaha...

The last three months have been a whole new realm of experiences and craziness for me. In a nutshell, I've jumped from secure job to uncertain future (Part 1) -- and a wanna-get-outta-here mode (Part 2).

Part 1: Uncertain Future
That's the nature of freelancing, I suppose. You never know when your next job or project is going to come. But given all things, I must count my blessings and give thanks to God for providing for me. I am thankful for the things I have had the opportunity to do in the last three months, which are:

1. Book editing (a couple)
2. Magazine copy editing (a couple too)
3. Magazine article writing (more than a couple)
4. Involved in a magazine launch (hear me rrrroarrr!)
5. Contemplated book writing (but turned this one down)

Part 2: Wanna-Get-Outta-Here Mode
6. Applied for a PR in a cold country (and praying something will happen within next year)

So actually, Part 2 is what I'm really more interested in. I think a change is needed in my life, and I really wanna-get-outta-here asap. Please let a miracle happen soon!!!

In the meantime, I've been doing a lot of packing up in my life -- readying myself for M-oooving. Call me preliminary, but I just need so badly for change!

Oh, the last three months have also seen a big part of my life called Pain and Closure. So... I guess you can say I've been busy. Just a tad. So you'll have to excuse me for not being diligent at updating this blog regularly.

So here, there you have it -- an update :)